15th Story : The Habit

I have a very bad habit..
a habit of buying things I don't really need..

here's just a simple list of things I've bought so far with its price..
reasons I bought them
and why I think its a waste of money now..

a home sauna *45euro
~ I believe this is good for the skin and it can help me lose weight
~ I used it less than 10 times in a year bcoz I don't have time to set up the whole thing that took 30 minutes just to be used for 10 minutes..

a harp *240euro
~ I love musical instruments and I know I can find time to play it..
~ Its a good thing harps don't rust if not, mine is already rusted.. playing it was fun but tuning a harp with 39 strings of 5 octaves needs a lot of work !

dresses that do not fit me *250euro+-
~ I'll be slimmer by next month and I'll be able to wear them..
~ I do not wish to humiliate my self esteem any further.. T_T even after a year, they still won't fit

make up sets *100euro
~ I'm a girl, of course I need make up for my every day life..
~ the make up brush, the 70 colours eyeshadow set, the lipstick, the blusher, the concealer, the shimmer glow n the bronzer, has not even been opened..

a masquerade mask *20 euro
~ its sweet, cute, glamourous and I was in venice, where mask are everywhere..
~ when will I ever need to wear a mask ??


and those are just a tiny portion of things I've bought that I am now regretting..
mostly because I am now in a state where I am desperately in need of money
when will I ever stop with this habit of mine..
if I save that money I spent, maybe I can buy a house by now.. =(

14th Story : The Plan

Every girl has at least a plan on what to do in her life..

As for me, I have a plan on what to do with everything in my life..
I planned for things to do in my every days, the day 2 years from now and even the day when I have children which may or may not come..
I even planned for a vacation that is supposed to be spontaneous n unplanned !
and this plan of mine includes :

~what to do,
~how to do it,
~when to do it,
~and whose doing it..

I have to say, it is very tiring to plan everything..
but it is even more tiring to not have anything to plan..

Memories ~

Every person on earth must have celebrate Valentine's day once in their life..
I mean, all of those who know what Valentine's day is..
There's hundreds if not more stories have made and told about the love on Valentine's..
all are full of romance and love..
all are told with great passion and detail..

Of all those stories, here is mine..

On this day, 14th Feb 2010..
I went out with a special someone..
after preparing myself for around 2 hours, changing clothes a couple times,
I manage to look decent enough for the day..

The day started with a movie, Valentine's Day..
We weren't late but since people entered earlier than we do..
We ended up sitting at the 3rd row from the front..
I can still feel the pain now..
But, even though the movie is not a movie I'll ever see again..
It gave us a look into our own relationship..

Then, we went for dinner..
Since Dublin is not really the best place to have a dinner date,
we ended up eating at the place we usually have dinner..
It was nothing special.. but I love the atmosphere..
We didn't talk much but I enjoyed every minute..

The peak came after all that..

Near the restaurant, there was a giant Ferris wheel,
that we managed to overlook for the whole time we were in Dublin..
Curious as we are, we decided to have a look..
We didn't ride the Ferris wheel ( Its freezing cold ! )
but we just sat next to each other looking at the it going round and round..
I realized then that I was very happy..
Just by having someone sitting beside me..
The view was spectacular and all is exciting..
all because I have someone special beside me..

Then, he told me to close my eyes..
I was excited as I was not expecting anything..
then, when he told me to open my eyes, this is what I saw :



~ Isn't this the cutest thing ?

I don't know about anyone else but to me,
the most precious gifts are gifts one made themselves..
more precious than diamonds or other worldly possessions..
I am so happy that I can't stop smiling even now..
I wish in the years to come, we will still be as happy..

13th Story : The Reason

I ask myself :

Why do people keep living when they know its hard ?
Why do people keep living when they know its tiring ?
Why do people keep living when they know its lonely ?
Why do people keep living when they know they'll die ?

Why do people keep wanting when they know they have no hope ?
Why do people keep wanting when they know they'll never be satisfied ?
Why do people keep wanting when they know they don't need it ?
Why do people keep wanting when they know its nothing ?

Why do people keep loving when they know they'll get hurt ?
Why do people keep loving when they know it'll make them cry ?
Why do people keep loving when they know its an illusion ?
Why do people keep loving when they know its hard ?

If only there's one book, or a souce to tell the reasons..
Lifes of so many will be much better..
Because these days, I feel tired of Living, Wanting and Loving..
and I need reasons to continue..

Being alive now seems so dull and lonely..
~ you are with someone but no one is with you..

Being hopeful for something seems of no purpose..
~ you give your life to get but gain nothing..

and being in love feels like drinking poison..
~ it takes away the thirst but kills you later on..


I just want to sleep with a smile on my face at night..
and not sigh right away when I wake up in the morning..

12th Story : The Meal

I love to cook..
But I love it more seeing the finish meal..

I cook when I feel disturbed by something..
I cook when I am happy because of something..
I cook when I am about to cry because of something..
I cook when I feel the need to make something..

At home, I was not allowed to even wash my dishes, what more to cook..
because both my mum and my maid,
consider me as a nuisance in the kitchen..

But now, I can cook anything I want, anytime I want..
and each time I am cooking, everything just fade away around me..
at that time, its just me in the kitchen cooking..

and here starts the list of all the meals so far :








These are what I usually have for my dinner here..
Its simple to make but delicious to taste..
to my taste at least..

Just looking at them made me hungry + very very happy..
Can't wait to start cooking again tomorrow..

11th Story : The Words

Can you say the words ' I Love You' easily ?
How hard is it to actually say those words to someone ?

Every day..

When you look at me,
~I want to say 'I Love You'..

When you are talking to me,
~I want to say 'I Love You'..

When you walk to me,
~I want to say 'I Love You'..

When you are happy over something I've done,
~I want to say 'I Love You'..

When you feel angry over something that happen to me,
~I want to say 'I Love You'..

When you are smiling to me,
~I want to say 'I Love You'..

When you make me laugh,
~I want to say 'I Love You'..

When you stop me from crying,
~I want to say 'I Love You'..

I have been trying to say these words for so long..
But why am I not saying anything ?
When should I say these words ?
What will happen after I say the words ?

Some of the times, I wonder..
with me wanting to tell you 'I Love You' so much and so many times..
Can you see how much I love you every time you look into my eyes ?
Or, can you heart listen to mine ?



If I am to say 'I Love You' to you now..
Will you just let me with my feeling and leave or..
Will you say 'I Love You' to me too ?

10th Story : The Study

I honestly hate studying for something that I am not interested in..
What more to study something that I hate..
But, right now that is what I am doing..
I kept thinking why am I even burdening myself with such things..
I can get a D at least even without studying at all..
So, why am I trying so hard to get greater grades ?

Even if I get an A for it,
I obviously will not be happy because I pushed myself so hard for it..
and I will not be proud of it as well..
I don't even like it in the first place..

At times like this, I regret taking medicine..
No matter how good I get at something or how bad I did,
I never really care because I don't like studying for it..
Its not like I hate medicine and want to take up something else..
but because most of the things I am learning now..
is of no importance to me in the future..

I don't see any point in studying and memorising
things that are too trivial or too detailed..
but will not be handy in the future..
Like memorising all the attachment of all the muscles in the body..
or the different histological images of cells..
If we are to go to doctors working in the hospital that isn't a lecturer..
None of them even knows any of this anymore..
But, as a student, we have to know for the sake of knowing for exams..
and I hate that so much..

But they can give me a case to study..
and I can and will spend hours and even days of my time to solve it..
because I know its realistic and will be useful to me..
and not something I need to know to be able to write in essays..

I want to be knowledgeable..
and know a lot about everything..
but, I hate doing it for the sake of exams..
I want learn them because they are new knowledge..
not something to learn that I'll forget once written on the exam papers..
and that is mostly what I am doing now..

I hate studying because of this..