Memories ~

I was never good with my memory on meeting people..
I forget their faces and names easily even after meeting them more than once..
but there are some people that I remember them fully after only meeting them once..
and even before I totally know them,
I just know they'll be a big part of my life..

~ meeting one..

It was a school day like any other day..
I was in class the whole day, then, time for recess..
I went out of the class, and there were two boys coming down from the stairs..
suddenly, one of them said to me :
" awk ni wan aisyah atiqah wan zainalam ke? "
I have never talked to that boy before nor have I even seen him..
and for him to ask me using my full name was something very interesting..
I can still remember the way he was wearing his school uniform that day..
very nerdy but with his own twist..
till this day, I can picture everything that happen that day..
he become one of the best person in my life...
the one that usually regulates my mood for the day..

~ meeting two..

I used to have a crush on a guy at school..
my class is on one end and his class on the other..
but, I always took the long way around to go to the canteen so that I'll pass his class..
one day, when i was passing by his class,
there was a boy waiting in front of the class..
He said to me : " nak cari ****** lg ke ? "
even though he was wrong in the who department,
I remember every part of him that day..
starting from that day onwards, I started to notice him..
and now, he is one of my oldest best friends..
the one that always listens to my problems..

~ meeting three..

The first night in a boarding school is always a very sad night..
I have 2 others roommates and I don't even realize they were there.
That night, after arranging my stuffs,
I was going to lie down and get in touch with my emotions..
then, I heard something coming from across my room..
the sound of cries..
as a believer of all ghost stories, I was a tad scared then,
I realized that the cries came from one of the bed my roommate was on..
I went to her and tried to console her as I know she's homesick..
her cries only got worse, so, I went to the other bed next to her..
and asked her to help me consoling the other girl..
the girl turn to me and said sorry and that she is also crying..
and there I was, in between two beds, consoling both of them..
even today, I can remember the scenes of that day..
they are both my best ever friends and roommates..
Till these day, I still wish I am living i the same room as them..

~ meeting four..

This occured on the first day I was in dublin..
After eating with everyone, I wanted to go back to my room..
Someone was supposed to come and pick me up but no one came..
then, I met two girls walking around..
I asked one of them where were they off to,
and since they were going to the the same place as mine,
I agreed to follow them..
There was a girl who was so confident that she knows the way..
overly confident in my opinion..
but in the end, I was the one that found the way back..
Even after several days not meeting her,
I still remember her..
and she's now one of my closest friend..
We are even in the same house..

~ meeting five..

I was very sure I met him a few times before..
but I cannot recall his name or his face..
so, I take that meeting as our first..
oddly enough, it was on halloween night with me dressed as a witch..
and him, as a hairy man..
As weird as it is, that is the first memory I have of him..
I am not whether he knows I was there..
and now, he is one of my most important friend..
the friend that always make me laugh even during my saddest moments..


There are loads more memories of my first meetings with my best friends..
but these are the most special of the all..
I hope, even if I have some kind of dementia when I'm older,
I'll never forget the meetings I had with them..
because these are memories that are too precious for me to lose..

18th Story : The Failure

I hate myself if I fail at anything at all..
I will blame myself for every little details that contribute to that failure..
and I will never stop blaming myself for it..

I have a very good memory of the bad things that happen to me..
I rarely remember the happy stuffs but I never forget something bad..
So, every failure that happened to me for around the almost the past 15 years,
are mostly in my head..

I still remember how I failed to run away from kindergarten when I was 6..
Even now, I still can't believe how stupid I was back then..
The plan was perfect..
When the teacher is going out through the gate to buy snacks in front of the kindergarten,
I am going to go out and stop a taxi to go home..
the mistake I made was,
As I was walking out of the gate,
I said bye loudly and wave to my teacher..
Habits are scary..

There are loads more failures I made because of my habits..
and also because I don't have the necessary habits..

If I really compare myself to others,
my failures are not that much and not as important..
Others have failures that led them to their death..
Or make their lives a living hell..
Mine is never that big..
Most of my failures are trivial..
but because I can remember most of them,
I view myself as a failure..

17th Story : The Move

I think I am going to move to another house..
I don't know why,
but since I start living alone,
I feel more relaxed and less lonely than usual..
When there are people around me,
but no one really cares I am around or not..
or did not even realize I am there,
I feel more lonely than when I am actually alone..
No one will miss me much if I move anyway..
I am not that essential in the house..

I also have an issue about sharing things..
I have never ever care if anyone use my thing..
or about any expenses..
I'll share everything and pay everything without any care..
but once others start caring and calculating things,
I will start caring as well..
I will start caring about every little thing..
And I hate doing that because
that is very uncomfortable for me..

and then,
comes the money issue..
This is not really anyone's fault..
But still, I have no money and no one really cares even how many times I said it..
I need to find a place less expensive than I have now..
one which can at least make me able to pay my rent and bills,
and I will still have some to spare to go for my travels..
I don't mind not having any money to do anything
but I have to have money to travel..

So, I have to move..
now, the only problem is, where to move in to ??