especially when you are most comfortable doing the complete opposite..
Last week is not a really good week..
A lot of things happened,
Things that I never wish to happen in a million years..
Things that broke my heart..
Things that makes me happy..
and things that give me a chance to create a whole new me..
I think, I used to be a very hardworking girl..
I think, I used to be a very smart girl..
I think, I used to have a plan for everything..
I think, I used to make decisions for my sake instead of others before..
I think, I used to do everything to make sure I am not hurt..
I think, I used to never let myself be swept off my feet by anything..
I think, I used to not put any hope or trust or hope on anybody but myself..
but now,
I am as lazy as a sloth.. or maybe lazier..
I am and feel like an idiot each day..
I have no plans for anything at all..
I make decisions to make others happy..
I do everything even if I am hurt by it..
I am easily swayed by people..
and my biggest mistake ever : I trust and have hopes on others..
So now, as I am beginning to restart my life,
I need to change myself as I believe,
I was much happier back in the days I used to be me..
First step : Make a plan for my daily life
~ having a schedule for study and play times is good enough..
I am a student after all..
~ I am going to make sure I follow the schedule the best I can..
what is the use of it if I don't follow it, right ?
Second step : Study like I am having the final exam tomorrow
~ I made a decision long ago to not be better than a certain someone, but now I think, I should be the best that I can..
~ Maybe then, I can get the long awaited 4.2 GPA my mother have been dreaming of for years..
~ the nerdy aisyah is back !!
Third step : Enjoy my time with my friends to the fullest
~ with my friends around, even the most painful moment of my life just occurred I'll be just fine..
~ my friends are real life savers sometimes.. they'll listen to me even when they don't want to.. but that's all I really need..
Fourth step : I am only to do things that will make me happy..
~ I love smiling and I hate crying.. but most of all, I hate smiling when I actually feel like crying, which I actually do a lot nowadays..
~ I am gonna think through everything before doing anything so I won't be hurt, ever !
That is all there is to the beginning of my new life.
I am girl that loves order.. I am a cancer after all..
So, my life beginning next week will be nothing but order..
p/s : I just read this book.. The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes
If you are a fan of mysteries, this is a book to read..
3 comments:
Be strong, chah!
I'm rooting for you so go, go,go!
Keep on moving, keep livin' like there's no tomorrow.
And if there's a failure, it's just a sign that we're human being, after all. But that failure, just consider it as tumbling on the way to your success.
GOOD LUCK, MI AMIGO! X)
hwaiting!
hey, I know this might be too late but I would still like to say it.
Sweetie, have you ever thought of giving yourself a chance to love yourself before you try to love or seek love from others?
It might sound lame but Love yourself first before seeking love from others. Respect yourself first before seeking respect from others. Praise yourself first before seeking praises from others. Trust yourself first before seeking trust from others. Find yourself first before seeking others to find you.
We come into this world relatively alone and we shall leave this world relatively alone.
I am not hoping that you be selfish, I'm merely hoping that you can find your hidden true beauty and strength.
Independence is a good thing. It is a strength to be proud of. But independence does not mean loneliness or misery or pain.
I have been following you and your friends (who are studying in Ireland) through various blogs, but reading your words in this blog truly does break my heart. I really do hope and pray that you will find true happiness and also that you will find love and friendship from those who deserve your love and friendship in return.
-syakirah-
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