2nd Story : The Choice

In my life, there are always choices to be made whether I want it or not..
and most of the time, the decisions made change my life forever..

Which is the best choice ?

To pursue a dream that will make your life better in the future but be unhappy or a dream that will make you happy but with all the troubles in the world ?

My choice :
a dream that will make my life better in the future.. I'm unhappy with the road I'm taking but I'm living my life and hoping that, that better future will come true..

To go after the guy that you love but give you nothing in return or go after the guy that loves you and will give you all the happiness ?

My choice :
the guy that loves me with all his heart.. even though deep down, I know that in my heart, there's someone else now, in the future, with all the love he gave me, I hope I'll come to love him as much as he loves me..

To please all those around me or make myself happy ?

My choice :
Making all those around me happy even how much it will hurt me.. I believe, one day, there will be a day that I'll be happy when I make others happy.. I'm still waiting..

I made different choices everyday on different issues..
I even made choices for others that I know is best for them..
But the choices I made for myself, I never felt like they are ever best for me..

Because I always ask myself,

Why can't I just let loose and do what ever I feel like doing ?
Why can't I just ignore what will people say about me ?
Why can't I just wear what I want to wear and not think of all the staring ?
Why can't I just say what I want without thinking of how people will feel about it ?
Why can't I just stop lying to myself about what I am ?
Why can't I just be myself ?

I will never be happy until I stop asking myself all this..
Because each time any of these question pops inside my head,
Tears starts pouring even without me noticing..

How long can I live a life with such regret in my heart for making these choices ?