8th Story : The Envy

Someone once said to me :
" Be grateful with whatever you have no matter how little..
some others may won't have any no matter how hard they try.. "

But I think I may never be truly grateful with what I have..
Envy being one of the 7 deadly sins that's making me less grateful each day..
I am full of envy..
and I am envious of too many things to count..

I envy those with lots of friends..

I have friends but not many will I call real friends..
I don't have friends that will go to great lengths for me..
Most of my friends won't even care if I am in bed sick for a week..
Some of them won't even notice I am missing..
and some of my friends..
will not even think twice to end their friendship with me..
Maybe it is my fault for I am never a great friend myself..
but, I still envy those with friends that will do anything for them..
Those with friends that care and cherish their friendship..

I envy those who has the ability to study hard constantly..

I have never studied hard for anything in my life..
Be it for the finals, or a very important exams that can determine my future..
I will only read and learn what I want to know and leave everything not of my interest..
and even when I do study, it was never constant..
I will only study when I want and what I want..
That's why I envy those who can study all the time..
Those that doesn't feel like their life is wasted by studying..
and those who enjoy their gain of knowledge..

I envy those who believe in themselves..

I have forgotten the last time I did something..
and I actually believe that is the best that I can do..
Even after doing all that I can do..
Whatever I did, I always feel that there is something missing..
and whatever I did, I never felt I was good enough..
That's why I envy those who believe their abilities..
Those that feels satisfied when they tried their best..

I envy those who simple-minded..

I care about everything that one can think of..
I have trouble sleeping at night because I have too much to think..
I hate listening to music much because it interrupts my thoughts on things..
I just can help to to think and make my head keeps working..
and It makes me so very tired..
That's why I envy those who are simple-minded..
Those who care for only things that's matters to them..
and those who can sleep soundly at night..


I think I need someone to just hit my head a few times..
and make me stop being envious..
This is obviously making me less and less happy everyday..

as Frank Tyger said :
" You can't be envious and happy at the same time.. "
because, envy is the art of seeing other people's blessings instead of your own..

If I can see how am I blessed, I can never be happy..
and to be happy, I have to get rid of my envy..